daman4469's Journal

12:27am: 3 months
Even after 3 months, the days still feel the same.  It seems like no matter what I do or where I start, I always end up at the same place.  I love where I live, and always have; but it isn't easy living here.  I feel my parents everwhere I go.  And, in one way or another, they affect and are the driving force in the decions I make every day.  In some ways, I feel at peace.  In other ways, I feel haunted.  It's funny how the world works.  Sometimes even the people who you thought would be so sensitive, don't have brakes on their world, even when yours seems to have stopped.  To some, life goes on.  To others, it will never be the same.  I feel sometimes like people build up their walls so high that they can't get out.  True or not, the story ends the same.  Life isn't fragile.  It's fraile.  Although you may spend years building a home, it takes one day to tear it down.  I have such a beautiful place to come home to.  But something is missing.  The enveyonce that surround this place has since gone.  And it isn't just me.  I see it in everything.  The grass isn't quite as nice.  The trees seem to be willowed, and wildlife doesn't seem to be at peace anymore.  As I smell the air right now, I wonder, 'What could have been?' A lifetime of love and hard work dissapears in just minutes.  Its hard sometimes not to wonder, 'Why me?'  I have been dealt the queen of diamonds, the unplayable hand.  So have many others.  Maybe I think too much.  But I always think, 'What would mom and dad do?'  Not a second goes by where I don't think about what happened.  There is no dollar sign on life.  But if there was, I would spend my every last dime.  If even for 10 seconds.  Sometimes I wish I could forget that day.  Other times, I pray that I'll remember.  No words really help anymore.  Painting the walls and changing looks won't make a difference.  That isn't the problem.  The problem is that I have seem firsthand, God, we need some help down here.

2:30am: A New Year's Heartbreak

Well, the new year comes in and nothing can stop it, and it seems that nothing can stop someone when they love someone else.  Have you ever known someone that you liked, and they liked you, but were hung on someone else and no matter what you did, no matter how much you poured your heart out to them, it just wasnt enough?  Sure you have.  Thats what I'm dealing with.  I listen, I talk, I tell her what she needs to hear, and I care about her.  I answer her phone calls at 3 AM, I listen to her spill her heart out.  I spill mine to her too, and it just seems to soar right over her head.  As cliche as it sounds, it is true - nice guys finish last.  I am sick of finishing last.  So I'm done.  I'm done listening, I'm done answering her calls.  I'm done being there for her.  I care so much, genuinely, and yet she doesnt see it, no matter how hard I try.  I look in her eyes while she cries to me.  Its hard to not care, and I still do.  But I'm going to pretend I don't care, then hopefully someday I won't.  But I care, and I will, for a long time.  I guess its time to pretend.  Pretend that I don't care about someone, pretend that their pretty eyes have no effect on me.  So from here on out, if you need someone to care about you, I'm free.  Goodnight all, and happy new year.

2:19am: Thanks you
I am so glad it's the weekend...I dont know why, I just am. I think it's because I remember the days when weekends actually were weekends...getting up early on saturday morning and watching cartoons, riding bikes with friends, not having a care in the world. I thought a lot today about old times. In September of 2001, two of my 3 best friends moved away to arkansas. It hurt then, but the echo of hurt is so much worse. As time goes on, I miss those days even more. Tonight, as I smelled the august nighttime air, it brought back so many memories. The smell of summer in the air made me think about the times when we would camp out, stay up all night, walking around the country roads, thinking we were at the top of the world. Now I know we were. We were at the top of our world, the peak of our lives. Looking back, it was so great. We had so much to look forward to, so little to worry about, so much time to kill, and our best friends to do it with. The smell of the air tonight made me remember the evenings riding bikes along the road, making ramps out of old boards, drinking soda, listening to music, and just being ourselves. We weren't trying to be anything, we were just being ourselves, being who we really were. Little did we know then that we were making memories that we would remember forever, that would touch us like nothing else could. I thought of our trips to the sandbanks, going because we were bored. But we weren't bored. I remember sitting in Jeff's garage, doing nothing...but it was so much fun. If I could do it all again, I would. I'd do it forever. Those days mean more than anything else. Tonight, I thought long and hard about how close we were - and still are. We were such good friends that we could tell what someone was going to say, before they said it. We laughed, cried, got injured, argued, fought, and did everything together. Friends like that never go away. They are gone, but their hearts are still here. I still remember riding dirtbikes together, it was our passion. We were all going to be professional motocross racers. Well, Steve is a mechanic, Jeff is gonna be an engineer, and I'm going to be a computer guru. Things change just like the direction of the wind. One thing will never change: They will never stop being my friends. To you, Steve and Jeff: Friends forever. I think about you a lot. Don't ever change. Don't hesitate to ask me for anything. I thought about us playing frisbee golf, hating donnie, having campouts down by the creek, being in Sage together, having our first drinks together, getting in trouble and getting out of it. I remember it all, just like yesterday. The smell in the air reminds me a lot of the smell in the air the night before you left. It makes me remember the last morning we spent together, in your living room. I cried when I walked out. I knew that was the end of our world as we knew it. I thought I would never see my best friends again. I thought I had nobody to turn to. Well, things happen for a reason. We have all found our own direction in life. Some went to college, some to the military, some to secondary education...but the directions all meet at the X. They all intersect. In our minds, in our hearts, they will always come together. So cheers boys...cheers to my best friends.

Rob

9:06pm: :o)
Hello.
Once again, I apologize for my last journal entry. I just....was grasping at straws, hoping maybe things would work out if I just spilled my guts, saying things I don't really mean. But, that relationship is over, I'm a single man....so ladies, line up! Haha, just kidding.
I made a new friend yesterday, and wow, it amazes me. Emily works where I do. When I saw her, she had these pretty blue eyes that kind of just make you unable to turn away, i dunno....hard to explain. Well, I talked to her, and she is amazing. Funny and smart. What more needs said? Anyhoo, she is cool, I could talk to her all day, hopefully we become good friends. If you read this Emily....I dont have a lot of friends that are girls, but I'd like you to be one of them. You make me smile :o)

Well, not really much is new for me. I ordered a new laptop, so i can sit outside and talk online, which should be sweet. I;m off tomorrow, nothing to do, which could be nice. Im one lazy mofo. Well, I'm out, I'll talk later.
A happy Reffdawwg signing off........

1:59am: I try to make a sound but nobody hears me
I wish I could hold onto the times when nothing mattered, a girls love didn't matter. Well, I'm loveless right now. I can only put up with so much Jess. I'm sorry you said one thing and did another. I can't stand the pain anymore.

How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes. I've got nowhere to run. The night goes on as I'm fading away. I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream. How could this happen to me?

I'm not even signing off tonight....I'm hanging by a


t
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e
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12:44am: :)
Well...pardon the last journal. Jess and I have talked and everything is great. I love that girl. I realized, she needs her space. Who doesn't? Me crowding her will only hurt things, and make her uncomfortable. I don't want her to feel like she has to call me every second....she doesnt have to, and I know that. Jess, I love you!
Weekend is here. Gonna be fun.
A happy Reffdawwg signing off.......

12:44am: wow
Wow.... how long has it been since I last updated? Well, a pretty damn long time. A lot has changed, so here goes:

I started my first semester at my new college---Mount Aloysius College. As far as the college itself, it is cleaner, neater, and more Harvard-looking than Ship. The campus picture looks like it would cost about 100,000 dollars a year to go there...although its about 19,000 a year. As far as the faculty...well, they are much more personable. Although all of my professors at Ship knew my name, I had some classes where I didn't even put my name on a test....just my Social Security #. The professor had no clue who's test he was grading, and to me, that was just not right. As far as classes, they are pretty easy...but I am learning a lot because I am actually studying. But the overall experience is very positive, not that Ship wasn't. This college just better suits my lifestyle.
As I have been practicing guitar for quite a while now, I have been writing my own songs for a while too-no intentions, just pure lyrics from my mind to paper. However, a lot of people liked my music, and I took some of my stuff to DBM studios in Harrisburg...a buddy of mine is an art major, and he has some connections. So anyhow, I went there and they really liked my stuff, especially some of my lyrics. They liked the fact that it resembles Dave Matthews and other familiar artists, but it has it's own style as well. So I got a "record deal", and I start recording next Sunday. However, don't be fooled...the recording for my album, titled "Behind Closed Doors", will not even be finished until August of '05. It is a very touchy process. One small mistake on my part, and the whole song has to be re-recorded. One small crack in my voice and...yep, you got it, i have to re-record. Not to mention that Cd's need made, cover/design graphics need produced, and other small details such as what order the songs will appear in on the record need sorted out. The official site of Rob Reffner is under construction, http://robertreffner.tripod.com, soon to be just robertreffner.com. For now, I'm having lots of fun with this, but who knows? Maybe I'll hit the mainstream. Rob Reffner, signing off.

1:37am: Summer
Wow, has summer even gotten here yet? It just got here, but it's already the middle of July. Hard to believe. Well a lot has happened since I last updated.

First of all, after years of practice, I finally have my own gig coming up in 3 weeks. I'll be playing live in front of about 200 people, which is a big crowd for a rookie. Wanna know the songs I'll be playing? Well you'll have to come watch if you want to know that. August 7th, 7pm, Bennigans.
Yea, Katie Kling is an awesome girl too.

Well that's all for now, peace.

An excited Reffdawwg signing off..........

7:40pm: Vacation!!!!
Yes, I am Rob Martin. However, being such a tool pays off every once in a while, particularly this time of year, when I take off work for a week and get paid for it. I think I'll be making a trip to Ocean City, or perhaps Raystown. Either way, it's gonna be good.

I went to a funeral today. I didn't know the gentleman personally, but something was said there that really shows how valuable family really is. When speaking at the service, the man's daughter said "When someone would shoot a good golf shot, he would always say 'That shot was OK, if you like 'em perfect' ". She continued on, and said, "Our dad was a great one. We could think of only one word to describe him. He was OK, if you like 'em perfect."

And, just a little tribute here: I love you, punk :)


An enlightened Reffdawwg signing off.........

12:07am: The Reason
In a society where laws were once based on religious beliefs and morals, the latter are now based upon law. No longer is it ok to believe something religious, if the law condemns it. Hate gays? Does your religion say it's wrong? Well, that doesn't matter, because there is this little thing called seperation of church and state. Morals have taken a backseat to political correctness, to the decisions of a few radical lawmakers. What has happened to morals in our fast paced society? Morals have been around longer than any law; They have withstood the test of time. Should we not heed their warning? Even music has taken the "no God, Apocalypse now" attitude. However, I have found something that gives me a little reassurance in this downward-spiraling world--The Reason, by Hoobastank. It goes a little something like this (Pay special attention to the chorus) :

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know...

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You.

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one that catches all your tears
But I just need you to hear...


I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you...
And the reason is You...
And the reason is you...
And the reason is You.

-Notice anything different? Well that's exactly how the lyrics are printed in the album...and I noticed something. The song is twofold. Of course, the common song theme: "I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'll never do it again, I wish I could go back and change everything. I'll change, I promise, just come back to me". However, read the lyrics closer, look at punctuation. Is the word "You" not capitalized sometimes? This, my friends, is a reference to God, the one most of us seem to have forgotten about. It's nice to see that He's not forgotten.

A reassured Reffdawwg, signing off.......

10:39pm: wow
So...........when did I last update? damn I dont even remember. It's been over a month. The last time I updated, I was in the hellhole(thats my dormroom from last year). What all new has happened? Well, not really much. I learned to double clutch my car....pretty tough, but its stuff they did on fast and the furious, so it a) looks cool b) sounds cool c) performs awesome
I like to consider myself pretty laid back when it comes to meeting girls. Many guys just move so fast and everything...but I like to think I don't do that. Anyhow, I met a girl the other day, Alicia..damn she is awesome. I don't know that much about her yet, but I like what I see so far (Even though she lives 1000 miles away).


Ok since I forgot to submit this, I'm updating. The girl mentioned above....yea my hunch was right....she is awesome. I've learned a lot about her and she is really funny and really cute too. As a matter of fact, I'm talking to her right now. Yea, that's pretty much the only reason I'm online right now--Alicia. But, I want to get back to talking to her...so peace out, I'll update tomorrow

--4 days until camping out

A happy reffdawwg signing off....

12:01am: Wow
Wow, it's been such a long time since I've updated. I really have no excuse, except the fact that I forget about things very easily and I'm way too lazy to update this journal everyday. A lot has happened since the last time I updated.

First off, I got a new car on April 2, 2004. Subaru Legacy 5 speed. Very nice. Secondly, I am not going to Penn State anymore. I am going to Mt. Aloysius College.

Reffdawwg lacks a love life, but I'm not so sure that's not a good thing. I kind of enjoy being single and able to be a pimp. Just kidding, Id never do such a thing. Well I will update more tomorrow, for I am not on my computer.

An anxious Reffdawwg signing off.....(4 days of classes left)

11:47pm: I haven't updated in a while, so here goes all of what you've missed.

First off, all week I've been seeing newspaper articles bashing Bush for his war efforts and his "Failure to find weapons of mass destruction". The articles continue on, insinuating that that was our only reason for going to war. This is in fact not true. Don't get me wrong, the WMD were significant in our reasons for going to war, but certainly not our only reason. What about the war on terrorism? Saddam Hussein wasn't just a leader who was innocent and free of nuclear weapons/WMD. Does the world forget about the 5,000+ Kurds that he gassed? Or how about the infinite threats Hussein made to our country, and the world? How about the 3,000 discovered bodies in a mass grave near Baghdad? Do people forget these things? Or don't they matter? Howard Dean said in an interview on ABC, "I never supported the war, and I don't think the world is a better place just because Saddam Hussein is out of power". I couldn't believe my ears/eyes! Removing a villian like that does not make the world a better place? Use your common sense! The most common argument that I hear is this: "We went to Iraq for the oil". We did? Well my gas prices certainly haven't gone down yet! I also love the reasoning, "We didn't need to go in there anyway, we could have negotiated our way through it instead". We negotiated with the damn place/UN for 12 years! 1991-2003! Sure, Saddam let us in to inspect....but we had to wait until he said we could go in, so that he could get rid of anything unlawful. 12 years! And maybe, just maybe, we didn't find anything because we gave him 12 years to move it all into Syria! COMMON SENSE!!!!

Here is one that makes me really mad. The second ammendment-right to bear arms. The democratic party has already annonced that this will be a focal point for their campaign-anti gun laws/gun control. They want to make it harder to get guns, hell, even outlaw them! Why? because they say guns kill. Now this pisses me off. Guns dont kill, people do. Outlawing guns will not help lower the murder rate. It's been tried. Australia: guns are now illegal except for police. The result: A 17% increase in murder crimes. wow! gun control helped! England: Guns are illegal to all except COPs....the result? A 4 % crime rate increase. Canada: guns are illegal, and crime has increased 7 %. So based on those facts alone, gun control doesn't reduce crime. How about this: guns do account for 70 % of murders in the united states. However, half of that is due to gang violence, aka gunfights in harlem/philly. So counting those out, guns account for only 35 %. As a matter of fact, 3 times as many people are killed in automobile accidents each year than are killed by guns. I guess we should outlaw cars then, to reduce deaths/improve society, right? How about the blatant fact that GUNS DON'T KILL, PEOPLE DO! I will set a loaded gun on a table, pointing right toward my face, and I'll let it there all night. Hell, ill walk around with one pointed at my head for the rest of my life. Unless someone pulls the trigger, that gun isn't going to shoot. When someone shoots someone else, does the gun get put on trial? Do they throw the gun in jail, place it on bail, and sentence it to life? Of course not! They place the person who pulled the trigger on trial. Why? Because THEY shot someone, the gun didn't! Ok next subject!

Gay marriage...what the fuck? I completely, whole-heartedly, 100% support George Bush's push to ban gay marriage via a Constitutional ammendment. To be quite honest, I don't like gay people-let me correct myself..Homosexual people. I think they may be mentally competent in knowledge, but I think somewhere in their mind they are fucked in the head. What makes a man be attracted to a man, or a woman to a woman? It's just not natural. When was the last time you saw two female dogs giving each other oral sex? Yea, I thought so. Although some dolphins do have homosexual sex, this is due to a genetic mutation that occurs after many occurences of HETEROSEXUAL sex. I read an article today(Katha Pollitt, "The Nation") about gay rights. She said that we should "Leave the homosexuals alone, let them live their lives normally." That's fine....but then let us live OUR life normally! It's ok for them to get in our face, but when we get in their face, it's not right. BS!

I'm sorry, but society is in a downward spiral, it's bad bad bad.....we need more people with common sense who support the rational side, not the irrational side.

A Reffdawwg with high blood pressure signing off.......

2:12am: It was a good day today. Not only did I sleep in until about 11:30, but I also had some good times with some friends, and hung out, watched some good tv, and did practically nothing else. But that's what college is all about, right?

I read a quote today, in Jen's profile; It read: "It's not the amount of time you've loved someone, but how you've loved them in that amount of time." So true! And, surprisingly, it was credited to me. I don't remember saying it, but oh well haha. Anyways, it's 2:16 AM, I gotta get to bed....I'll update later today...I just wanted to keep the LJ active looking. Peace.

A satisfied Reffdawwg signing off........

3:44pm: Back to school
I thought this was only for high school....but I have learned otherwise. Spring break was very productive, I worked my ass off, and can expect a fat paycheck next week. Although I am sad to leave home, I am happy to get back to Ship...I miss my bros and hoes.....But I'm sure, by Monday morning, I will be ready to come back home.
I'll tell you what I really miss...summer. I don't know why, it's just something about flying down the road with the sunroof open and music blaring that gets the best of me. Summer is so close but so far--I have about 6 weeks of classes to go yet, which seems like a lot. But I know, just like first semester, it will go fast.
Here is a lesson for some of you, and even myself--

I last talked to my best friend last week, on Monday. He is my bro, always has been, always will be. He is one of those people that, even if you don't see or talk to them for months at a time, you still pick up right where you left off. If I have a long lost brother, he is it. Well I signed onto AIM last night, and I saw he was online. I IM'ed him, and his away message said that he had been in a wreck....He flipped his car over 2 1/2 times, but he was ok. I was pretty intrigued, and surprised, but I thought that he was ok, so it was all good. I called him today to see how he was doing, how he was feeling, and he picked up after two rings. When the subject came up, he said something that really touched me, and this is it:

Rob: So are you ok man?
JD: Yea dude, I'm allright.
Rob: That's pretty freaky though, coulda been a lot worse.
JD: Yea...remember when you stopped by last week?
Rob: Yea.......
JD: That could have been the last time you ever talked to me man.

That hit me like a ton of bricks. SOO true. Lesson of the day: Treat everyone as if it is the last time you will ever see and talk to them.

Quote: If today was the last time you ever saw a loved one, would you regret what you said today?

--A touched Reffdawwg signing off...........

12:27am: cars
Car approaches]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
[M1:] "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
[M1:] "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch!
I'll come right outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!"

[Another car approaches]
[M2:] "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
[M2:] "Oh, great, great. How much?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
[M2:] "That's fine. Now should I give you the money,
or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you fuckin' hard on!
I'll fucking Carlton Fisk yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger!
Whadya think of that ass fuck!?"

[Another car approaches]
[F1:] "Hi Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
[F1:] "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out?
I hear your the best with directions."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well I know my way around New England.
I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"
[F1:] "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way
to drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me,
I'd appreciate it, you fuckin' prick."
[Drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you!
You forgot to pay the fuckin' toll you dirty whore!
I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"

[Another car approaches]
[M3:] "Hey Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, how are ya?"
[M3:] "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dah, you fuckin' prick!
I hope you choke on a fuckin' porno cock, ya fuckin' son of a fuck!
Eat shit! Eat my shit!"

[Another car approaches]
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya.
That was quite a sermon you had the other day."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hey, well I do my best."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Dollar twenty-five,
Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job,
you piece of dog shit!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush!
It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!"

[Another car approaches]
[M5:] "Hey!"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well hey!"
[M5:] "Yeah, do you want the money,
or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well, I already heard that one you fuckin' unoriginal bastard!
Go suck a cock you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!"

[Another car approaches]
[F2:] "Hi."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
[F2:] "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
[Toll Booth Willie:]"For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
[F2:] "Here ya go."
[Pays toll]
[F2:] "Thank you."
[Begins to drive off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?"
[F2:] "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "And here ya are."
[F2:] "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
[F2:] "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
[Signing receipt]
[F2:] "Just so I could have proof for my friends that
I met the biggest fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive.
You understand."
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch!
I'll fuckin' fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front
of your fuckin' mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!"
[Opens the door and runs out of the booth]

[Car screeches and hits him]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!"
[M6:] "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
[M7:] "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
dried up stinky dick licker."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you fuckin' pricks.
I fuckin' hear every fuckin' word yer saying!
When this fuckin' leg heals,
I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' assholes!

[Everyone cussing eachother out]


If that doesnt make you laugh your ass off, then.....well.....laugh anyway. I think that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. Anyhow, this is my journal for 3-11-04. Times are good....vey good. I have no worries at the time, due to the fact that I am on spring break. What to do over the next few days, I don't know. But I am very tired. I WANT MY IMPREZA! ok enough for the night. And "Goodnight and sweetdreams, angel" to Steph :)

A relaxed Reffdawwg signing off..............

12:35am: Best day ever
This seriously is about the best day of my life. Well, not really, but my WRX finally came!! I drove it just around some back country roads, and I am amazed. It accelerates so fast, I could seriously kill myself in it. When I'm in that thing, I feel like I can race any car out there and win-and with 300 ponies under the hood, I could beat a lot.

Well I work tomorrow at 11 am, so it will be a busy day. As some other people post, I absolutely love my job. I don't care if I'm a cashier, or a bagger, or wahtever they tell me to be--I always have fun when I'm there. Why? Well, it all boils down to the fact that I have the best co-workers on earth(Dean ur still gay and I hate you and your girlfriend) lol....but that's why I love my job. Not to mention that I've been there for 3 years now so I get paid vacation and personal days too----kickass.
Ok I have been working on this code for my computer science project for about 2 weeks now....it is sooo friggin hard...I'll let you see what my genius mind has thought up. The teacher told us to make a program that draws lines based on our click speed and frequency...so here's what the Reffdawwg thought up:

import aLibrary.*;
import java.awt.*;

public class Director extends A3ButtonHandler {
private A3ButtonWindow theWindow;
private ALine initialLine, leftLine, rightLine, mostRecentLine;
private int yRand;

public Director() {

theWindow = new A3ButtonWindow(this);

initialLine = new ALine(theWindow.getX(),
theWindow.getY(),
theWindow.getWidth(),
theWindow.getHeight());
initialLine.place(theWindow);
initialLine.setColor(Color.black);
mostRecentLine = initialLine;
theWindow.repaint();
return;

}
public void leftAction() {
yRand = randYValue( initialLine );
leftLine = new ALine(randBelow(mostRecentLine,
(int) ((yRand + slope(mostRecentLine) * mostRecentLine.getX()
- mostRecentLine.getY()) / slope(mostRecentLine))),
yRand,
midPointXValue(mostRecentLine),
midPointYValue(mostRecentLine));
leftLine.setColor(Color.red);
leftLine.place(theWindow);
mostRecentLine = leftLine;
theWindow.repaint();
return;
}

public void midAction() {

theWindow = new A3ButtonWindow(this);
initialLine = new ALine(theWindow.getX(),
theWindow.getY(),
theWindow.getWidth(),
theWindow.getHeight());
initialLine.place(theWindow);
initialLine.setColor(Color.black);
mostRecentLine = initialLine;
theWindow.repaint();

}

public void rightAction() {
int xRand = randXValue(initialLine);
rightLine = new ALine(xRand,
randAbove(mostRecentLine,
(int) ((xRand + slope(mostRecentLine)*
mostRecentLine.getX() - mostRecentLine.getY()) /
slope(mostRecentLine))),
midPointXValue(mostRecentLine),
midPointYValue(mostRecentLine));
rightLine.setColor(Color.green);
rightLine.place(theWindow);
mostRecentLine = rightLine;
theWindow.repaint();
return;
}

public int randXValue(ALine theLine) {
int high = theLine.getWidth() + theLine.getX();
int low = theLine.getX();
return (int) (Math.random()*(high - low +1) + low);
}

public int randYValue(ALine theLine) {
int high = theLine.getHeight() + theLine.getY();
int low = theLine.getY();
return (int) (Math.random()* (high-low +1) + low);
}

public int midPointXValue(ALine theLine) {
return (int)(theLine.getX()) + theLine.getWidth()/2;

}
public int midPointYValue(ALine theLine) {
return (int)(theLine.getY())+ theLine.getHeight()/2;
}
public static void main(String argv[]) {
Director director = new Director();
}
public int randBelow(ALine theLine, int bound) {
System.out.println(bound);

return (int) (Math.random()*(bound-theLine.getX()+1)+(theLine.getX()));
}
public int randAbove(ALine theLine, int bound) {
return (int) (Math.random()*(bound+theLine.getX()+1)+(theLine.getX()));
}
public float slope(ALine theLine) {
return (float) (theLine.getHeight())/theLine.getWidth();
}
}

Thats all for the night....

Reffdawwg signing off..........

11:41pm: Ya know, I'm always saying how I'm "done with girls", but it all reality, I just keep coming back for more. Maybe it's beacuse I always seem to meet such amazing girls(you know who you are), or maybe I'm just a sucker. Whatever the reason, I keep searching.
it's time for me to just sit back and enjoy tomorrow, because I have no work, and I get to sleep in until all hours of the day. That's great, especially after working a 10 hour day at Rob Martins. It was a good day though. I worked with ugly fucker, boyfriend of hott fucker, and it all went pretty fast. Tomorrow my dad and I are calling about my new car, which is taking forever. Today's quote:

"We make friends by chance. We meet love by fate."
-Anonymous

This is Reffdawwg signing off on March 7th, 2004--peace

2:05am: Weekend
Yet again, I sit on the computer, while playing gamecube and trying to beat nightfire although i cant cause i suck. it was a good night at work, it went by realyl fast, and got to see some people i havent seen in a while....friends do the body good.

I think today was one of the most stressful days of my car hunting days. After a month has gone by after i ORDERED MY IMPREZA, I finally found that it is in ch-hongshi, japan. I can expect to wait another 4 long weeks before the fuckers get it over here so i can drive in it and pick up chicks. Haha it will pay off tho, I will one day drive an impreza. I don;t work until 3 pm today, so i can sleep in, i love it. Well expect a longer entry later....I need sleep.

A tired Reffdawwg signing off........

10:37pm: Spring Break
Wow, spring break is finally here. This is a much needed break for me....I've been working my ass off to make up for last semester, and it's paying off....I currently have 2 A's and 2 b's.....just what i need. Over break im going camping with an old buddy, and i dont know what the hell else.
This is my post for 3-4-04.....I have been neglecting to update often, because of midterms, etc. But be prepared to see a much more updated daman4469 journal.
Also, me and Dino are going to see The Passion of Christ sometime over my break, and I can't wait....he is so sexy it drives me insane. Actually, I take that back...he's an ugly motherfucker. Anyway, I'll tell you who is hott: Kate Yinger. Sizzlin! And Kate, if you are reading this....ut hott! And I can't wait to come hang out. Well, I'm gonna go try to beat Bond:007 Nightfire.
P.S.....listen to "Dare you to Move" by Switchfoot. Awesome song.

A relieved Reffdawwg signing off....

4:29pm: Spring
I am so freaking happy that it is finally warm outside. I know, I know, its gonna be short lived, but it's well earned....we had over 2 months straight of below freezing temperatures....thats sickening.

Anyhow, I got a phone call from my buddy the other day, and we decided that we are going to go camping over spring break(2 days away!!!). We are going to Raystown and, although it is closed, we are sneaking in and setting up camp for a weekend. I hope its better than last year when it was 45 degrees on june 1st and raining, and I got a ticket for not wearing a lifevest on a canoe about 10 feet from shore.

This weekend, I bought some new speakers for my computer, and a sub. They sound awesome, thats one good thing to be happy about. I got all my work done, so now i just have to sit around in my dorm for 2 days until wednesday afternoon.

I have neglected to post a lot recently because, just like high school, i get slammed with about 400,000 tons of work due in about 3 days. But now that that has passed, I will be updating more often, because i have nothing but free time.

Well im going now, ill post later tonight

1:27am: Well, the weekend is now almost over, and I head back to Shippensburg in about...16 hours. I work in 6 hours, but im still up, oh well. This weekend I didnt do much, but thats typical. I worked today, and i work soon, and then its off to school for another week. I installed a new soundcard into my computer, it sounds so great, you have no idea. I was talking to a certain someone tonigt, and she's really pretty........I hope we hang out sometime. Anyhow, I'm gonig to bed, ill update later today. Peace

1:50pm: Get this....yesterday, I get online to check my bank balance....and it's 0.00 dollars. How the hell does someone get a balance of 0.00? Well, I called the bank, and they somehow reset my account and forgot to make my deposit from last Friday. So I drove 45 minutes to Carlisle, and supposedly got it taken care of. Well, some transactions went through and I got charged overdraft fees...And then they put my deposit through. Well they didn't take off those fees, so I'm waiting for them to call me back...pisses me off. Anyhow, other than that, the day has been great. Slept till noon, i have yet to do anything-thats what college is all about. Todays agenda: Wait for the damn bank, then study for calculus, then do nothing. I might post later, depending on what happens. lata

An awaiting Reffdawwg signing off.......

1:11pm: So far, not a bad day. I woke up at 8, went to all my classes...I kick ass, I havent missed a single class this semester...last semester i missed 24 total haha.....so im on the right track. I talked to a girl named Kate last night, pretty damn cool girl. We are gonna meet sometime, we are so much alike it's scary...but scary is good in this case. I still cant wait until summer, it's coming fast. I wish there would at least be a break in this cold waeather, because it's been below freezing here for about 2 months straight, no kidding. Anyhow, I'll update later after more has happened.

An energetic reffdawwg signing off......

12:09am: Well I'm updating again, as promised. The rest of my day went well....I never actually got to go to WalMart or the grocery store, but ya know, gotta deal. Hung out with Matt a good bit, went swimming, had some good laughs...all in all it was a great night.
The best part about tonight is that I can stay up pretty damn late, because I only have one class tomorrow, and it's at 12:00...kickass. I take back my approach on girls as well, for I don't think I can remain chaste that long haha....but in all seriousness, I will continue to meet girls...there are soooo many out there. Well enough is enough for one night, so I'm gonna go and play some gamecube.

A cheerful Reffdawwg signing off.......